


The Strange Side Effects of Cohabitation

by White Queen Writes (fhartz91)



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 19:10:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21123782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fhartz91/pseuds/White%20Queen%20Writes
Summary: This is a small narrative about how Aziraphale and Crowley decide to spend their lives with one another … but also about the antics of bookshop and flat.





	The Strange Side Effects of Cohabitation

**Author's Note:**

> There's a very mild mention of abuse at the very end and a random person on a diet, in case that needs noting.

When Crowley and Aziraphale decide to live as a couple, they don’t move in together.

Not conventionally.

Instead, they cohabitate.

Which sounds like it should be synonymous, but it’s not.

After talking it over and touring numerous houses and flats, they can’t decide on one that they like equally. One beautiful flat that Crowley chose, with a perfect patio for his plants, had nothing in the way of space for a decent library. And a cottage Aziraphale simply adored was far too snug for Crowley’s tastes. The one house they could both agree on aesthetically was too far from Soho to make the daily commute feasible.

Whether their criticisms are valid (seeing as they both possess magic and could change any aspect from space to distance to suit their needs) doesn’t actually matter. They’d come to the conclusion that they spend most of their time at Aziraphale’s shop anyway.

Ergo, they don’t need to search for a new home.

They both had a home all along.

So they create a portal from Aziraphale’s shop to Crowley’s flat.

If one were to walk into the large curio cabinet in Aziraphale’s back room - not the one filled with snuff boxes but the one with glass shelves lined entirely with porcelain ducks - they would end up in Crowley’s kitchen, having hopped out a pantry filled primarily with turnips and potatoes.

And vice versa.

The bookshop and the flat reject the idea at first, often times redirecting the portals to different destinations depending on their mood that day. One brisk Sunday afternoon, when Crowley wants to stop over at the bookshop for a brandy, his flat, at the end of its rope at how little time he spends there nowadays (or, more to the point, how much he prefers spending his time at the bookshop instead), re-routes Crowley to 15th Century France, where he’s spotted strolling out of the stables by three poor peasants who immediately fall to their knees before him, begging him not to drag them off to Hell, spoil their cow’s milk, or steal their unmarried daughter. (The unmarried daughter thing he feels is more of a ploy, but he chooses to overlook it.)

When he manages to find his way back to the present, he doesn’t get too annoyed with his flat. He understands that change is difficult to deal with sometimes, particularly for real estate. Plus, he got a decent goat out of the deal – Molly, he calls her - so there’s that.

One evening, when Crowley and Aziraphale are drunk and feeling amorous, they opt to slip through the curio cabinet to Crowley’s flat and end the night there. But the disgusted bookshop sends them to Madame Tracy’s, where they wind up interrupting her and Shadwell in the midst of similar minds to misbehave. That one turns out mildly uncomfortable considering everyone’s state of undress. But Aziraphale and Crowley button up, explain their predicament, and they all share a laugh. (At least, Aziraphale _thinks_ Shadwell laughs. He more huffs and rolls his eyes a little less dramatically than usual, but Aziraphale figures that counts.) At Madame Tracy’s persuading, they open another bottle of brandy and play Pictionary until sunrise. And since she in no way objects to public displays of affection, it’s not too bad a continuation of the night the occult couple were originally enjoying.

Once bookshop and flat get more comfortable with one another, they actually begin to enjoy each other’s company - a bizarre relationship blooming between them the more Aziraphale and Crowley openly express their love for one another.

It makes sense, after all.

Mortal love isn’t a static thing. It effects everything that surrounds it, everyone who witnesses.

So imagine the effect that supernatural love must have on the world.

Their mixture of angelic blessing and demonic temptation touches everyone who walks by Aziraphale’s shop. For example, someone on a diet may, after passing his doorstep, be tempted to cheat and indulge in that slice of chocolate cake they’ve been fiending over for the past two weeks. But it will be the best slice of cake they’ve ever eaten, well worth falling off the wagon for. In the end, they won’t have gained an ounce, won’t feel guilty in the slightest, and simultaneously renew their devotion to their healthier lifestyle.

Someone with a mind to gamble, after narrowly escaping getting mowed down by an ominous black Bentley, might bet everything they have on the ponies that afternoon (inspired by their near-death experience), but not only will they win a king’s purse, they’ll decide that that was the bet to end all bets and give up gambling for good. They’ll also donate a portion of their winnings to charity, and spend their lives in the service of the less fortunate.

Likewise, bookshop and flat start melding natures. Every day, a new plant arrives in Aziraphale’s back room through the cabinet with vines growing up its sides and creeping their way across the ceiling. Crowley’s pantry is no longer full of potatoes but old books – volumes of them, the pantry itself expanding as new tomes are added.

There are other side effects of this relationship between bookshop and flat, too.

Unexpected side effects.

_Opportune_ side effects.

One late evening, before Aziraphale has the chance to lock up, a young lady runs in – scared, weeping, her clothes torn, her face bruised. It takes only a glance for Aziraphale to understand. Without a word, he ushers her through the curio cabinet. The doors open at their approach. The vines that surround it wrap comfortingly around her and carry her off to safety seconds before a man bursts in, demanding to know where she’s gone.

On another occasion, a young demon manages to break into Crowley’s flat in search of the _traitor _Crowley. A small underground contingent of demons had put a price on his head – more for prestige than any actual reward since Beelzebub is happy to never hear Crowley’s name spoken aloud again.

During their search of the flat, they end up in the kitchen, the door to the pantry swinging free and creaking loudly. Sure they’ve found him, they rush inside.

After both incidents, neither the demon nor the man are heard from again.


End file.
